Pretentious suggestions

First off, FestivALL works. It doesn't work completely, but it does work. The art and theater portions seem to be developing nicely. Mountain Stage is fine and what the hell, I like the idea of the Lighthouse Coffee house lawn shows. Other parts work, not so much --like the catfish thing, which seems like a disembodied theme that scarcely made sense to begin with and has since run its course. However, I'm going to limit my criticism. I have not come to bury FestivALL.

So, with the outright admission that I don't hate FestivALL (but with the understanding, I don't absolutely love it either), here are a few of my humble suggestions for improvements and additions.

Kill the mayor's concert. It's a loser unless he puts the money out for an artist with huge name recognition (Gladys Knight worked because she's consistently maintained a media presence even since her big hit days. The O'Jays didn't -despite the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame. Booker T? He's an influential part of pop/rock history, but he's slipped into the obscure --a sad fate, but it happens artists great and small, sometimes whether they try to stay current or not.

My thought is if the mayor wants to throw a show that's all about the music he likes, he should have it on his lawn, invite people to bring chairs, sell concessions for Covenant House and brand it as his gift to the city during FestivALL. If he wants to make money or break even, he should probably stick with an act whose last hit wasn't 35 years ago. It reflects well on him and the city if it succeeds, but it makes the city, the festival and his mayorness look sad (possibly cheap) and out of touch when it fails to excite the public.

Give the future a chance. Add a pay venue for an indie show. Adam Harris and Chris Morris, members of the Steering Committee and associated with Mountain Stage, should be able to come up with a show that the 20-40 somethings (and the 50 something aging hipsters) would gladly pay to watch. Hell, promise them that Larry Groce will listen to their CDs in their entirety and maybe they'd get them at a discount on the hopes it could lead to a Mountain Stage gig.

(That said, I thought Rasta Rafiki was a nice touch for a show at the levee.)

Stop tacking on filler. Dora the Explorer and a regular acoustic gig at Taylor Books downtown should not be considered part of FestivALL. I have nothing against whoever is strumming their guitar at Taylor's on a Friday night, but this is a regular event and isn't special. Dora the Explorer is just plain bullshit. It has nothing to do with the theme and having it tacked on looks like a sad sack attempt to make it seem like the Charleston Civic Center is remotely involved.

Also... And this is in response to some grumbling I've heard, but maybe the city could go outside of the musician's union for some of the local bands appearing. In fact, it might be a good idea if the musician's union sponsored a stage made up on non-union players as part of an outreach. I like the Voo Doo Katz and Bob Thompson just fine, but they are only part of the scene and not really representative of what's mostly being played in Charleston. Why aren't Threefold Theory, Freaktent, Voices of Anatole or one of the dreary scare metal bands playing one of the local stages? Embrace that loud, obnoxious shit, encourage it. Maybe have an "After dark Satan's stage." Hit the Tattoo shops up for sponsorship.

While we're at it, an all ages rock/pop show wouldn't hurt. Incorporate the teenage wasteland. There's music if you're 10, but not much if you're 15.

Consider funding a few buskers on street corners during the work week of FestivALL --just to keep people thinking about festivall during the week. Have them do it during the lunch hours and also at the end of the work day. Maybe plant someone to hand out leaflets about FestivALL activities.

Also, get local radio involved. It would seem like a no brainer for one of them to pull in a show or do a stunt and sell sponsorships to make it happen (and turn a profit). Appeal to their civic pride and when that fails: greed. Radio is worthless on a great many things (selling real estate, for example), but they can be hell on wheels when it comes to whipping people into a frenzy over a concert or festival. I don't see any radio people on the steering committee or the marketing committee. They ought to be.

And quite frankly, my top picks to get people out to FestivALL would be Electric 102 and Rock 105. Electric 102 has the broadest appeal. Rock 105 has the balls to do nutjob promotions that attract attention. The Valentine's Day divorce giveaway was morally reprehensible, but brilliant and received worldwide attention.

Free parking on the weekends (This is like asking for a pony from Santa Claus when you're 30). Open up the city and civic center lots on the weekends. Ask the private ones to do the same. It's a minor thing. People shouldn't bitch about three or four bucks to leave their car someplace, but they do. "Free parking" on advertising is short hand for, "Relax. Just come have fun."

Since most of the downtown restaurants won't stay open during the weekend, open up for food vendors. Try to recruit outside the usual corndog hustlers: Get the guy who sells ostrich burgers or the people offering mystery meat on a stick. This way they're not really competing with the few who do stick it out and locals, who are willing to spend money on food, get something they don't normally get. Hell, Virgil at Delish could make money hand over fist if he sold his chicken satays during FestivALL.

Festivall also needs a signature food item. It doesn't have one.

Get a film festival. Run locally produced films and shorts, along with Q&A sessions. It will give Danny Boyd something to do (and probably his students during the school year) and be a place to go during the week between the weekend main events. Or maybe for the hell of it... run Warhol's 24 hour movie. Do a contest with prizes to see who can sit through the damned thing. Turn it into a spectacle, like a Japanese gameshow where the contestants are tortured slowly and in bizarre ways.

Get a finale. There ought to be one big show on the last day, but there isn't. You could say it's Wine and All that Jazz and Terence Blanchard, but really? That's the finale for the whole week? I don't think so. FestivALL starts off with a roar -with Buddy Guy- then piddles off at the end on Sunday with the second day of a street fair. The easy answer would be Mountain Stage, but since what they get fluctuates based on how they book, it would be better just to bring in another for pay show.

Booking something at the Civic Center makes the most sense. Unless the city wants to do a free, outdoor show --which they probably don't-- the Civic Center is the biggest venue. I'm still curious as to why their participation in FestivALL appears to be only token.

So, these are my thoughts... Some of them I've been saying for years --even to a few people associated with FestivALL. I recognize it's easy to armchair quarterback. The reality of the situation is always different than the perception. That's fine. I'm just pointing out what I think could be better.