Pretentious suggestions

First off, FestivALL works. It doesn't work completely, but it does work. The art and theater portions seem to be developing nicely. Mountain Stage is fine and what the hell, I like the idea of the Lighthouse Coffee house lawn shows. Other parts work, not so much --like the catfish thing, which seems like a disembodied theme that scarcely made sense to begin with and has since run its course. However, I'm going to limit my criticism. I have not come to bury FestivALL.

So, with the outright admission that I don't hate FestivALL (but with the understanding, I don't absolutely love it either), here are a few of my humble suggestions for improvements and additions.

Kill the mayor's concert. It's a loser unless he puts the money out for an artist with huge name recognition (Gladys Knight worked because she's consistently maintained a media presence even since her big hit days. The O'Jays didn't -despite the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame. Booker T? He's an influential part of pop/rock history, but he's slipped into the obscure --a sad fate, but it happens artists great and small, sometimes whether they try to stay current or not.

My thought is if the mayor wants to throw a show that's all about the music he likes, he should have it on his lawn, invite people to bring chairs, sell concessions for Covenant House and brand it as his gift to the city during FestivALL. If he wants to make money or break even, he should probably stick with an act whose last hit wasn't 35 years ago. It reflects well on him and the city if it succeeds, but it makes the city, the festival and his mayorness look sad (possibly cheap) and out of touch when it fails to excite the public.

Give the future a chance. Add a pay venue for an indie show. Adam Harris and Chris Morris, members of the Steering Committee and associated with Mountain Stage, should be able to come up with a show that the 20-40 somethings (and the 50 something aging hipsters) would gladly pay to watch. Hell, promise them that Larry Groce will listen to their CDs in their entirety and maybe they'd get them at a discount on the hopes it could lead to a Mountain Stage gig.

(That said, I thought Rasta Rafiki was a nice touch for a show at the levee.)

Stop tacking on filler. Dora the Explorer and a regular acoustic gig at Taylor Books downtown should not be considered part of FestivALL. I have nothing against whoever is strumming their guitar at Taylor's on a Friday night, but this is a regular event and isn't special. Dora the Explorer is just plain bullshit. It has nothing to do with the theme and having it tacked on looks like a sad sack attempt to make it seem like the Charleston Civic Center is remotely involved.

Also... And this is in response to some grumbling I've heard, but maybe the city could go outside of the musician's union for some of the local bands appearing. In fact, it might be a good idea if the musician's union sponsored a stage made up on non-union players as part of an outreach. I like the Voo Doo Katz and Bob Thompson just fine, but they are only part of the scene and not really representative of what's mostly being played in Charleston. Why aren't Threefold Theory, Freaktent, Voices of Anatole or one of the dreary scare metal bands playing one of the local stages? Embrace that loud, obnoxious shit, encourage it. Maybe have an "After dark Satan's stage." Hit the Tattoo shops up for sponsorship.

While we're at it, an all ages rock/pop show wouldn't hurt. Incorporate the teenage wasteland. There's music if you're 10, but not much if you're 15.

Consider funding a few buskers on street corners during the work week of FestivALL --just to keep people thinking about festivall during the week. Have them do it during the lunch hours and also at the end of the work day. Maybe plant someone to hand out leaflets about FestivALL activities.

Also, get local radio involved. It would seem like a no brainer for one of them to pull in a show or do a stunt and sell sponsorships to make it happen (and turn a profit). Appeal to their civic pride and when that fails: greed. Radio is worthless on a great many things (selling real estate, for example), but they can be hell on wheels when it comes to whipping people into a frenzy over a concert or festival. I don't see any radio people on the steering committee or the marketing committee. They ought to be.

And quite frankly, my top picks to get people out to FestivALL would be Electric 102 and Rock 105. Electric 102 has the broadest appeal. Rock 105 has the balls to do nutjob promotions that attract attention. The Valentine's Day divorce giveaway was morally reprehensible, but brilliant and received worldwide attention.

Free parking on the weekends (This is like asking for a pony from Santa Claus when you're 30). Open up the city and civic center lots on the weekends. Ask the private ones to do the same. It's a minor thing. People shouldn't bitch about three or four bucks to leave their car someplace, but they do. "Free parking" on advertising is short hand for, "Relax. Just come have fun."

Since most of the downtown restaurants won't stay open during the weekend, open up for food vendors. Try to recruit outside the usual corndog hustlers: Get the guy who sells ostrich burgers or the people offering mystery meat on a stick. This way they're not really competing with the few who do stick it out and locals, who are willing to spend money on food, get something they don't normally get. Hell, Virgil at Delish could make money hand over fist if he sold his chicken satays during FestivALL.

Festivall also needs a signature food item. It doesn't have one.

Get a film festival. Run locally produced films and shorts, along with Q&A sessions. It will give Danny Boyd something to do (and probably his students during the school year) and be a place to go during the week between the weekend main events. Or maybe for the hell of it... run Warhol's 24 hour movie. Do a contest with prizes to see who can sit through the damned thing. Turn it into a spectacle, like a Japanese gameshow where the contestants are tortured slowly and in bizarre ways.

Get a finale. There ought to be one big show on the last day, but there isn't. You could say it's Wine and All that Jazz and Terence Blanchard, but really? That's the finale for the whole week? I don't think so. FestivALL starts off with a roar -with Buddy Guy- then piddles off at the end on Sunday with the second day of a street fair. The easy answer would be Mountain Stage, but since what they get fluctuates based on how they book, it would be better just to bring in another for pay show.

Booking something at the Civic Center makes the most sense. Unless the city wants to do a free, outdoor show --which they probably don't-- the Civic Center is the biggest venue. I'm still curious as to why their participation in FestivALL appears to be only token.

So, these are my thoughts... Some of them I've been saying for years --even to a few people associated with FestivALL. I recognize it's easy to armchair quarterback. The reality of the situation is always different than the perception. That's fine. I'm just pointing out what I think could be better.

FestivALL

I haven't been blogging about FestivALL because I haven't participated much. I've been out and about, but I'm waiting to see what happens more than getting into it.

First the good news. Buddy Guy on Mountain Stage killed. Susan Johnston's "How Sissy Grew" appears to have been well-received, too.

But this weekend looms like all kinds of misery. According to the Clay Center's website, there are approximately 580 tickets still available for the Mayor's concert on Thursday. The Billy Jonas concert for the Woody Hawley show on Saturday, up until late last week, had sold only a handful of tickets. Blues, Brews and BBQ and Wine and All That Jazz will probably do OK (they did before FestivALL), but neither has generated a lot of excitement.

You can blame promotion, but this year's FestivALL has been the slickest, most interesting visually so far. I'd argue they should have been feeding information earlier than they did, but when they started was adequate. However, whether FestivALL succeeds of fails, it comes down not to the leaflets and the posters, but the strength of the entertainment to draw a crowd.

On the upside, there are still plenty of tickets available and during the mayor's show right now, there's enough space in the theater to play a game of touch football without having to worry about obstructing the view of the stage.

Still No.

Got a note from Conor Oberst's agent. I contacted him about the same time I hit the publicist. Some publicists are little more than secretaries and mostly just do whatever the artist tells them. Others wield the power cosmic and control some of the artist's time. It all depends on the artist and the agency.

Anyway, he replied to my earlier query and said he was sending it along to the p.r. people, though he didn't know if Conor was doing interviews. This could, again, be the set-up to offer me the banjo picker, the bass player or the castanet player.

So, I sent a note back saying I'd been in contact with somebody from publicity last week. They made a "kind" offer on a substitute, but I declined since it didn't fit in with what we were doing. Again, they can kiss my ass. Mr. Oberst is a singer/songwriter. He ought to be doing his own publicity and not farming it out to the hired help.

I like his songs, but I have little sympathy for his career.

The Rules: Rule 3

Everybody knows better than you.

This is one of my favorite. No matter how good you eventually get writing about entertainment there is someone who knows a little more. Actually, everybody knows a little more. The people in the industry, half the time, want to rewrite your work. You missed something. People, they swear, want to hear more about the album or the tour or how the bass player is donating his urine to save the seals or some stupid shit like that.

The average fan will go through a 400 word article and if they think about it, will want to know why you didn't ask about something, like, what about that heroin habit or those needling rumors they're sleeping with their cousin or half a million other things that probably don't mean much and only the clinically insane would answer. People still want to know and presume that because you're talking to someone, they're going to tell you whatever you know.

This, by the way, is never ever the case. Some people sound more open, but only crazy people and bloggers tell you everything about who they are.

What you should remember is, despite whatever homework you do, the fans always know more, but the thing is, they like to hear what they already know repeated or rephrased. They're not looking for information. They're often just looking for confirmation of their special knowledge.

Anyway, there's a lot of people out there who would do it differently and do it better --perhaps, with a nicer photo.

There is no beating this. So, you just shrug, take the criticism, use it if you can, and discard it if you can't.

You walk away, I walk away

Word from the publicist of Conor Oberst:

I'm happy to set up an interview with one of Conor's bandmates. If you'd
like to move forward with an interview, by when did you need it scheduled
and do you need any press materials?

My response:

No.

Tough break. Just another carpetbagger rolling through. Ah well, I still love his work, particularly the one song, but he can kiss my ass.

A little baffling

Conor Oberst is playing 1-2-3 Pleasant Street in Morgantown next month. I have no idea why he's there, but I am far more excited about the prospect of driving two hours to catch whatever his current project is than just about anything blowing through Charleston in the next month.

I saw this guy in 2004 when the band was Bright Eyes. He was the opener for Bruce Springsteen, REM and John Fogarty. He strolled with giants and none were better. Of course, he was also stoned out of his ever-loving mind and just about trashed the stage with the spitting. He spat on everything.

Tickets are only $20.

Breaks my heart...

Looks like Miley Cyrus won't be coming this way for her new tour. Tough break kids. On the upside, there will be some people dressed up like Dora the Explorer in a couple of weeks. That's almost as good, right?

The civic center makes me weep. I heard ages ago Tri-State Gaming was going to build an amphitheater, but I haven't heard anything about it in probably a year. If they're going to do it, I wish they'd go ahead and build. Pretty obviously the civic center doesn't really want to book concerts. They'd rather stick to trade shows and high school reunions, which I'm sure are both profitable and easy to coordinate, but duller than shit for anybody who isn't in the replacement dental appliance field or the laminated wood products industry.

I think I need to check on that.